The Darkest Parts of Us
by easyHarlequin
Summary: A family has been stranded in virus-stricken America for over a year, constantly moving from one abandoned shelter to the next, and struggling to hold themselves together. They must recover what they lost, and rediscover what it means to be a family. Rated M for eventual sexual themes and gore. DenNor, side pairing; SuFin.
1. Chapter 1

**notes: **this is a zombie-fic. meaning there will be a certain amount of gore and violence. this is also an angst fic and i can't really promise any happy endings! sweden, finland, and sealand will show up later. c: also to avoid confusion  
emil - iceland  
mikkel - denmark  
lukas - norway

**make sure you review! it gives me a bit more motivation to continue. **

* * *

_The soft splashing of gasoline hitting the cement floor numbed him to the core. They were really going to go up in flames, out with a bang, riding in style to wherever the final resting place was… weren't they? This was really happening. Lukas felt nausea bubbling up in his stomach, so overpowering he fell to his knees and put his head between them, breathing long and deep. It was too much. He knew the others were staring at him but it was just too _much.

_A small hand tugged at his sleeve. Lukas turned his head to look at the little boy before him. Concern filled the boy's watery blue eyes, his white hair disheveled and smeared with grime and dirt. The boy – Emil - held his arms up over his head. "Up." He murmured, pleading Lukas with his eyes. The man had no choice but to comply._

_Emil gripped Lukas's body firmly with all his limbs, burying his damp face into his wrinkled shirt. He sniffled a little bit, but stilled when Lukas stroked his back. The others were propping wood against the walls, pouring gas on top of the dresser blocking the front door, recovering matches and personal lighters. It was surreal, and Lukas felt the nausea ease back into place. It must have shown._

_"Babe, what's wrong?" Mikkel asked loudly, the others looked at him for a moment before resuming their work. Lukas looked down at his boy and shook his head. The taller of them walked over, boots hitting heavily upon the drenched floor, until he was right in front of them. He rested his hands upon Lukas's hips, leaned in and gave him a kiss on the forehead, and then, much like a snake, he hissed._

_"Nothing better than burning your family alive on a beautiful night like this."_

_Lukas was chilled all the way down to his marrow, fear pumped through his veins thicker and colder than blood ever was. He didn't know this man; it wasn't Mikkel anymore. _

_The house erupted into flames. Mikkel bit his neck, blood spilling down and mixing with Emil's snow white hair. Emil began to cry, hiccupping as the flames lapped around the three of them. He just kept crying and crying and crying and cr-_

"Mngh, babe are you going to get him or should I?" Mikkel groaned, removing his arms from around Lukas's middle and disentangling his legs. He turned over, pulling the sheets with him, leaving Lukas cold and irritated, still swimming in the confusion of his previously interrupted nightmare.

"Why did you even bother asking?" Lukas grumbled, throwing his legs over the edge of the bed and propping himself up with his hands. It was going to be a bad day, he could already tell. His body was still pumped with adrenaline from the horrifying circumstances of his dream, and now he had to calm the baby.

A long time ago their house had been in decent condition. Now it was in shambles, dirty and unfit, with only one comfortable room. They all shared the bedroom, although that was for safety purposes.

Emil was thrashing with his blanket on his twin-sized bed – they couldn't salvage a frame, so his mattress was directly on the floor – his eyes were open but filled with fear and uncertainty. Lukas thought for a moment that Emil might have had a nightmare of his own. He sighed and went to the dresser, pulling out a pair of tight-fitting jeans and a loose gray shirt. He shed his sweatpants and clambered into his clothes before moving back to kneel beside Emil's bed. Emil stopped and gazed at Lukas with wide eyes, tiny fists curling and uncurling.

"Good morning." Lukas whispered, offering a smile. Emil continued with his hands until Lukas scooped him up, blankets and all, and hugged him to his chest. Emil seemed to adore Lukas a lot more than he did Mikkel. With Mikkel it was just tolerating him, constantly fussing and pushing him away. Neither of them knew why he chose to play favorites – although Lukas suspected it had something to do with how rough Mikkel looked; all muscle and stubble.

Slow breathing filled the room as Mikkel drifted back into an easy sleep.

Lukas stood up and walked down the hallway that led to their dingy-looking kitchen. He retrieved a bottle from one of the overhead cupboards and set it on the counter, repositioning Emil so he was supported by his hip. Then he began preparing the bottle for Emil, heating up its contents and then pouring them into the bottle. He made sure it wasn't too hot, and then the bottle finally found its way into Emil's hands.

The house was eerily silent for a few a minutes, and in that time Emil's eyes had managed to become half-lidded and drowsy as he drank from his bottle.

A soft thump echoed across the house. Lukas's violet eyes grew wide with dread and surprise. He spun around, listening intently until it happened again. It was coming from the front door. It grew steadily louder with each passing minute – _thump. thump. thump. THUMP._

Then there was a _scratching_ sound. It was long and drawn out like nails on chalkboard. The temperature in the room felt twenty degrees colder to Lukas, who hugged Emil tighter to him and moved to go down the hall again, feet falling every time a _'thump'_ sounded, just to mask his sound. It didn't matter though.

They already knew they were there.

There was the sound of feet shuffling and tripping amongst dead leaves and twigs of the sideyard, traveling straight through the thin walls of the house. Lukas froze and bit his lip. He took a deep breath, then another, before talking.

"Mikkel."

"I heard them."

Lukas entered the bedroom slowly. Mikkel was sitting on the bed and tying the laces on his black combat boots, other than that he was all dressed and ready to go. His eyebrows creased with worry as he finished lacing up, occasionally glancing towards Lukas – who seemed distraught, at best. Lukas began picking Emil's clothes out of the dresser, laying them out separately. He put Emil back in his bed with his bottle. Lukas was oddly silent as he removed the rest of their clothes, folding them and dropping them in a pile on the edge of the bed.

"Babe-"

_"What?" _Lukas snapped, growing still as he felt Mikkel's eyes on him. He expected a lighthearted chuckle, warm hands on his hips, and a soft kiss on the neck. Some sort of comforting gesture. But he received none. It made Lukas feel intensely bitter towards him.

"Pack as much as you can into the duffel bag. Save room for food. And hey," he sidled up behind Lukas, wrapping his arms around his middle and kissing him chastely. Lukas could feel him smiling, and he couldn't help but smile a little bit too. "We're going to be okay. You know that right?"

"I know."

"Meet you in the kitchen in about twenty minutes to pick rations?"

"Sure."

"'love you, babe."

"I love you too. Now stop stalling and go check out the situation."

Mikkel smiled and Lukas turned around to give him a real kiss; soft and slow and lingering, tongue probing at the Danish man's lips briefly. When he pulled away Mikkel bumped their foreheads and smirked.

"Do you think we'll make it to the truck?" Lukas inquired, fingers pulling at the fabric of the other's shirt in an unspoken gesture.

"Hell yeah. Just you wait and see them_ try_ to stop us."

* * *

**author's note:  
**hello fellow readers! i recently came back from a long hiatus and decided to get back into hetalia again, so i decided to write a zombiefic. i need to practice writing gore and horror as well, so be prepared for that? this is a dark fic, after all.

i'm not sure when i'll have the second chapter up. i'll just be waiting to see the opinions on it so far, and if readers are willing to buckle up for the long-haul!

- hunter

**so please leave reviews, even if you hate it. constructive criticism is always welcomed.**


	2. Chapter 2

**notes: **i don't remember how to load a gun.  
also reviews would be lovely and are always appreciated!

* * *

Approximately twenty-five minutes later they found themselves sitting at the kitchen table. An open duffel bag lay on the floor next to Lukas and Emil, as well as several dry cheerios Emil had deemed unworthy for consumption. Mikkel was rifling through the cupboards, pulling out coffee and canned foods and setting them on the table. They didn't have much; just a few soups, a whole mess of canned vegetables, and one can of peaches.

The soup could keep them going for a few nights, so Lukas set them in the bag along with the coffee and clothes. Mikkel did another run-through, raiding the fridge and finding nothing they could take with them besides water bottles, which Lukas packed in as well. They'd definitely have to stop along the way to check out what was left in the grocery stores and restaurants.

After Mikkel was done, he sat down in his chair and sighed.

"So, we've got everything, Lukas?"

"I believe so."

Emil babbled nonsense to himself as he continued grabbing fistfuls of cheerios and attempting to cram them into his mouth. It was but one moment of relief, watching him act so carefree and unaware – simply trying to eat his breakfast like any child should be able to. The moment didn't last as long as they wanted it to, however.

All three of them heard a window shatter at the back of the house. It was pure reflex that Lukas zipped up the duffel and threw it over his shoulder, and pure parental instinct when he hoisted Emil up and swung him around to his left hip. Emil whimpered and buried his mouth into Lukas's shirt, smearing cereal mush all over it. Lukas stood close to Mikkel as he loaded both of their guns, trying to block out the shuffling as multiple bodies tried to squeeze themselves through the small, jagged entrance. Trying to block out the occasional moans of unconscious pain they were emitting from swollen, rancid lips. Instead he focused on Mikkel's fluid movements; pressing each bullet into the magazine before popping it in and setting the gun on the table. He did this twice, once for each of their guns – and casted a longing look at the rifle propped up beside him. Then he turned back to Lukas.

"Alright, babe, I'm gonna go out first. You're gonna make a beeline for the truck. Get Emil in the back and the passenger side unlocked and I'll meet you there as soon as I can. Does that sound good?"

Lukas wrinkled his nose and nodded reluctantly. Mikkel gave him this completely ridiculous grin and placed Lukas's handgun in his right hand with a sense of finality, his fingers remained on Lukas's wrist longer than what was necessary.

"Do you want me to swing around and pick you up?" he questioned, hand closing firmly around the gun and pointing it to the ground. His arms were full; he couldn't even stroke Emil's back to reassure him that _it's all right, baby, I've got you. I've got you._

"Nah, just start it up."

"Take the rifle, then. Don't be stupid."

He flashed Lukas a smile and tucked his handgun into the back of his pants, picking up his rifle from where it had been propped up against the table. He examined it closely, made sure it was loaded, and then he leapt to the door; as if this was all some game he was about to play. He thrust the white curtains to the side, and looked out the glass on the door. Lukas reeled behind the wall, remaining out of sight and hoping that they hadn't managed to climb through whatever window they had broken earlier. Apprehension flooded all his senses, and all he could focus on was not letting go of his child and the duffel bag. His gun balanced lightly on his fingers and was pointed at the floor.

* * *

Mikkel turned the doorknob and pulled the door open, pointing his rifle out and taking tentative steps out onto the walkway. The streets were empty and dirty and cracked, splattered with God-knows-what and God-knows-_who_. The other houses appeared to be abandoned and damaged far worse than their own – with scorch marks and doors ripped right off the hinges. Mikkel's senses felt heightened as he stepped lightly, sweeping the whole patio with his eyes and firearm. Noises along the side yard persisted as the undead tried to find another opening into the house. Mikkel could tell that they were nearing the kitchen window now; probably sensing Lukas's breathing and Emil's muffled cries.

"Hey!" he called out, and the shuffling from around the corner stopped abruptly.

The moment a clammy hand scrabbled along the corner of the house, Mikkel braced to run. He shouted another 'hey' and they started racing around the corner – only twelve of them – and broke into a run after him. Mikkel started to back up slowly at first, aiming and firing two shots – bringing two down. Their bodies hit the asphalt with a sickening splat, and squirmed for a while afterward; he didn't have time to do a double-tap. They kept coming, even as some of their group fell, and they tripped – they still kept lurching forward.

The Dane kept reloading his gun, kept firing, but didn't bring out his handgun – he didn't feel it was necessary. When they started to close around him he slammed them in the skull with his gun, beating them until they were completely out of their senses. Bits of gore flew up around him and clung to his shirt and boots. Out of the corner of his eye he could make out Lukas goading Emil to sit in his car seat.

* * *

"Come on, baby, you have to sit. I can't climb back there with you."

"Papa."

"He's going to be fine, Emil. I promise."

Emil stuck out his lower lip. Lukas sighed and clambored into the car, standing on his knees in the driver's seat. His head was bent at an awkward angle, ear pressed against the roof of the car as he slid the duffel bag into the small space by Emil. Emil's car seat was behind the passenger seat, facing inward. Their truck wasn't very safe, to say the least.

Lukas leaned forward and tucked a stray strand of hair behind Emil's ear. Then he picked him up and plopped him down in his seat, fastening the buckle. Emil whined and tugged at the seatbelt, and for a moment Lukas thought he would start crying; but then he stopped fussing. Lukas sat down and started the truck, looking briefly out at the street and not liking the frenzy that Mikkel had worked himself into. Emil looked where Lukas did and cringed, hands flying up to cover his eyes from the sight.

Lukas let out a noise of frustration and switched the truck into reverse, pulling out of the driveway and onto the street where he drove slowly over to where the other man had stopped . Mikkel was just standing there, eyes glazed and unseeing, staring at the corpses littering the ground. They were smashed and mutilated, bruised and punctured. It was hard to think of them before this – at some point they had been human.

Now they were just thinning hair and moldy skin, they tore easily but were resourceful and quick on their feet when they needed to be. It was unsettling. Lukas felt sick to his stomach thinking about how he could barely shelter Emil from them. He couldn't tell him that there was nothing to worry about, and he couldn't tell him that they wouldn't have to pack up and leave in the middle of the night.

The worst part was that those blue eyes were completely trusting and aware of everything. It was like he knew they could die at any moment, and it scared Lukas far more than it seemed to scare Emil.

Mikkel was just standing there, and he almost didn't look up, not even when Lukas pulled up next to him and honked at him.

He pulled himself out of it and grunted, shrugging his shoulders back and walking around to put the rifle in the trunk. Then he walked around climbed into the passenger's seat. Lukas was staring at him; violet eyes angry, but seemingly muted, holding back whatever remained unsaid.

"The next time we stop you're changing shirts."

"Got it."

"Also… please don't do that when he can see you."

"What do you-" Mikkel started as he turned his head to look at Emil. Emil stared back at him as though he were afraid and clutched the hem of his shirt tightly in his hands. "Oh."

"I'd tell you to apologize but I don't think he'd get it."

"Lukas-"

"At least Berwald never did anything like that where Emil could see."

Mikkel stopped talking. He sat there unmoving, staring out of the window. Lukas knew he shouldn't have said that, that it probably hurt him in the worst way possible. He had struck a raw nerve and he knew that he couldn't swallow his pride – let alone his wrath – and apologize for it. Eventually Mikkel removed his handgun from where it was, and he set it down at his feet and leaned back into the seat. Lukas drove on, unstopping and tense.

They pulled out onto the freeway, where it was completely void of other vehicles, and the signs that indicated a shopping center were badly marred – but still visible. Lukas pulled onto the ramp and drove up until they found themselves in the parking lot of a mall – well they weren't really in the parking lot so much as they had driven up onto the sidewalk next to an abandoned coffee shop and a clothing store. Lukas looked over to Mikkel. To put it bluntly, he looked like a kicked puppy; his eyes were downcast and he was fiddling with his hands, smearing gore over his callouses and into the divots of scar tissue.

Lukas reached over and brushed his fingers lightly along Mikkel's wrist, tracing over veins; ghosting over the soft skin there. The Norwegian man actually thought he had a chance at apologizing for his lash-out earlier. But then a muffled voice bombarded their windows.

"Mikkel! Lukas!" a small blonde-haired boy was bouncing up and down in front of one of the shops farther down the line. Mikkel looked up and grinned, opening the car door. The boy came running up, practically skipping. He threw himself at Mikkel, who laughed and hugged him loosely to his chest after unceremoniously wiping his grimy hands on his pants.

"Peter! It's so good to see you, buddy."

"It's good to see you too, ya big knucklehead! I thought you guys died or something."

Lukas was already halfway out of the truck with Emil in his arms before Emil started crying. Mikkel and Peter were still having their heartfelt reunion – and Lukas was pretty sure that eventually Tino and Berwald would come out of the store looking for Peter and then they'd all end up in some awkward kind-of-family-but-not-really-family hug.

Emil's face was red and damp when Lukas set him down. The child stood up and wiped at his nose with his long sleeved shirt, looking up at Lukas pleadingly. Lukas got down on his knees and did his best to straighten Emil's shirt and make his hair seem a bit more into place. Emil quieted his cries and stood there looking on edge.

"What's wrong?" Lukas murmured.

"I don't like it here." He whined softly.

"We're not staying here forever, sweetie. We just need to pick up a few things and then we'll drive for a while. It'll be a nice break. Okay?"

Emil nodded and raised his hands up above his head. Lukas picked him up, watching fondly as Peter and Mikkel babbled about meaningless things.

After all, if it kept their minds off things, then who was he to give a damn?


	3. Chapter 3

**warning: **badly written smut. almost no plot relevance. well ok it's relevant. but still. half of it is badly written smut.

aLSO.

hana was never a lapdog. :)

please review!

also most of this was me venting through characters. it's not written very well and this is going to be another one of my stress-relief projects, i think.

* * *

A white blur barreled around the corner of the building just as Lukas turned around. He almost didn't recognize it until it started barking at him and circling. Lukas reached down to pat the dog between her ears, scratching down her neck and looking into her big brown eyes. Emil grabbed Lukas's pant leg – not recognizing the dog due to her increase in size. He remembered her when she was a little puppy; barely past Lukas's shin. Now she was a big dog with strong muscles and a fine layer of dirt coating her fur. She looked happy though. Lukas vaguely wondered if Tino had trained her to follow Peter to keep him safe. After all, she hadn't been far behind the boy.

A few minutes later Tino and Berwald walked out of one of the mall entrances. Berwald was pushing a cart filled with clothes and what seemed to be a huge bag of dog food. They seemed to be engaged in conversation, not even realizing that their son was conversion with a man they thought dead, and that their dog was sidling up to a man who they had seen brutally wounded. It would be illogical, after all. They had been hearing and seeing things that weren't there for months. Who was to say they were really there? That they weren't just some horrible hallucination caused by the dying air around them?

Lukas straightened his posture and walked towards them. Emil tottered around to the other side of the truck where Mikkel was. He decided to pick Emil up and rest him on his lap, nudging Peter to the side a little bit. Peter's voice became distant to Lukas as he got closer to the two other men. Berwald and Tino had stopped walking, and instead were staring awestruck and confused. Lukas offered a hesitant smile as he neared them.

"Lukas…?" Tino croaked out, fingers twitching, itching to hold on to a rifle he did not have. Because Mikkel had it. Tino had left him with it to use in case they couldn't hold their own. In case they had no chance of making it out. After all, Mikkel was the one who had told Tino and Berwald to run. He said that he and Lukas would be all right despite their injuries. Of course the situation had been hopeless.

Tino had convinced himself that they were dead.

Yet here Lukas was, standing almost directly in front of him. Close enough that if he reached his arm out, he could touch him. But he didn't, not at first.

He felt the tears well up in his eyes, relief spilling through his entire body starting from the top of his head, next came the anger. The pure, rushing anger that came with the realization that they had been alive all this time – that Tino had mourned for nothing. _For no one._ And then came the seeping happiness, slowly warming him and every dark corner that plagued his weary heart. That was when he reached out and embraced Lukas around his chest in a vice-like grip. He buried his sniffling nose into the fabric of the other's shirt, not caring if his tears left traces.

"Lukas." He murmured again, uncaring to the fact that Berwald was awkwardly shuffling as Mikkel, Peter, and Emil made their way over as well; Hana on their heels, panting harshly.

Lukas finally returned the embrace, and Tino could feel the other's lips on his hair. "It's good to see you too."

* * *

A while later and Lukas found himself tucking Emil in next to Peter's already sleeping form. Hana was at the foot of the bed, eyeing the door and window in turn; wary and watchful. Emil was barely awake and hardly focusing. They had driven eight hours straight only to arrive at a small, but sturdy house that Berwald and Tino called home.

The walls were thick and the windows boarded shut. The cupboards and cabinets were stocked with necessities. And alcohol.

There was a _lot_ of alcohol.

Judging by Tino and Mikkel's loud laughing; they had already started breaking into the liquor cabinet. Emil looked up at Lukas and tried to gesture for him to pick him up. Lukas knelt by the queen sized bed and gingerly placed his hand over the blanket covering Emil's stomach. Emil stilled and grabbed at Lukas's fingers with his hands.

"You need to go to sleep now. It's late. You're tired, sweetheart." Lukas made his voice soft and comforting. It wasn't even that late, but it was late enough to be tired. They were all tired down to their bones. Especially the little ones.

"I don't want to sleep without you and Papa." He whined. His speech was childish, and he replaced the 'th' in without with an 'f'. It was adorable and heart wrenching at the same time.

"Peter and Hana are here to protect you, though. See?"

"No."

"Hana will protect you from monsters. And Peter missed you and he loves you – he'll protect you too. Trust me. Now go to sleep, Em."

Emil was more than half asleep by the time Lukas finished with his short but comforting promise. Emil pulled his hands under the soft, clean comforter and Lukas tucked it under him, watching with some satisfaction as Emil turned over to inch closer to Peter.

He left the room and closed the door behind him. Lukas went back to the living room where the three adults other than him were scattered over the furniture, holding glasses loosely in their hands and talking. Berwald didn't contribute much to the conversation, but he was there and gave an occasional chuckle. Sometimes he set a hand on Tino's shoulder to steady him whenever he began to lilt or sway.

Lukas sat down on the couch next to Mikkel and Berwald. He tried to decline Mikkel's glass when he shoved it towards him. He wasn't in the mood; he could laugh and talk with them without drinking until he dropped. Mikkel asked him where the fun in that was.

He couldn't find an answer.

* * *

It was way too late when Lukas found himself pressed against Mikkel, scrabbling with every last bit of his sanity to get closer, _closer._ His mind was buzzing pleasantly, swarmed with sensations like _warmth _and _sweet_ and _rough_. Mikkel's hands were roaming all over his sides, curving around to grab his ass and squeeze. Lukas arched his back and pressed himself closer, suppressing a whine.

Mikkel chuckled, husky and gruff as he pulled Lukas's pants farther down his legs; revealing creamy thighs and tight black boxers. Mikkel licked his lips, occupying himself with getting Lukas onto his back – a task that took a lot more force than he planned. Lukas had made a few breathy comments about being quiet, but Mikkel was too distracted to give it any real thought.

When Mikkel situated himself between Lukas's legs he attacked the other's neck; kissing and nibbling, biting every inch of skin. Lukas's hand found the nape of Mikkel's neck and it stayed there, prompting him on and caressing him lovingly.

There was a dark red mark on the hollow of his neck, and Mikkel moved down farther and stretched his shirt to reveal his collarbones.

There were frantic motions as Lukas and Mikkel fought to undress each other, Mikkel pulled Lukas's shirt over his head and tossing it to the side, uncaring where it landed. For once they had their own room. It had been so long since they'd done this and they had grown tense and distant. Almost hateful and hostile towards each other.

Soon they were both shirtless, and Lukas was more or less pant-less. Mikkel's teeth grazed over the other's collar bone, sending a shiver down Lukas's spine. The taller man's hands traced the slight curves of Lukas's hips and thighs, fingers tickling along the smooth flesh. Lukas bit his lip to restrain himself. He watched through hazy eyes as Mikkel kissed down his chest and stomach, mouth lingering over his navel.

His fingers gripped Mikkel's hair roughly. He threw his head back as Mikkel kissed the bulge in his underwear, tongue following the length of it.

Lukas let out a strained moan.

It was almost too much for Mikkel to resist. He went back up and crushed his lips against Lukas's. They clung together with chapped lips, Mikkel's tongue diving in and sliding over Lukas's, tracing his teeth and reveling in the noises Lukas was making. His hips bucked down harshly, Lukas gasped into his mouth and his eyebrows creased as he struggled to push back. Mikkel kept grinding, barely keeping their lips connected as he did so. Pleasure wracked his entire body, crackling like electricity in his stomach and head.

Lukas's legs came up and wrapped around Mikkel's waist, slowing him down but bring them closer, letting Lukas move with him as he rutted more frantically – long and drawn out, milking the friction for all he could get.

"Mn… oh. Ah." Lukas groaned as Mikkel dug his nails into the flesh of his hips. It would bruise; a sore and soft reminder for the next day.

"Oh… babe. _Fuck._" Mikkel murmured as Lukas began to rake his nails down his back. He could feel the lines forming already. It was wonderful. He had missed this. The markings and maybe it was just the aesthetic pleasure Lukas could bring him. The way he squirmed and arched and whimpered Mikkel's name alongside murmurs of _yes, oh please_… it was just too much.

Lukas loosened his legs from around the other and Mikkel pulled away just far enough to get his hand in between the other's legs. He palmed him roughly, and each time he did Lukas let out a noise of approval, thrusting his hips forward to meet the treatment he was being given. He moaned and shut his eyes, his fingers tracing along the subtle ridges of Mikkel's ribs. Lukas gasped particularly loudly and let out a string of curse words before seizing Mikkel's hand with his own.

"Don't you have any-"

"I don't think so, babe."

Lukas huffed.

"Sorry. Lube is kinda hard to come by, y'know? I have some lotion though."

Lukas deadpanned at him for a moment, before reluctantly agreeing. He unhooked his legs from around Mikkel's waist and allowed him to go get the bottle while Lukas busied himself with removing his underwear. Then he sat there, the warmth in his belly dispersing while the rest of him still radiated heat. It was only a minute before Mikkel returned from by their bag with the bottle. He set it on the side of the bed and leaned forward to kiss Lukas. Lukas caught the other's bottom lip between his teeth and nibbled on it lightly, hands going around to pull at the Dane's underwear, groping his ass roughly.

"Geez, babe, calm down. Here just... lie on your stomach for me."

Lukas did what he was told and situated himself with the side of his face pressed against the pillow. Mikkel's fingers were warm and slick as they fluttered over the inside of his thighs. Lukas could feel him looming after his fingers had finished coating everything, after they had traced the more sensitive skin of his balls and around to trail over his stomach and scratch at the light trail of hair. He gripped the pillow with his arms, propping himself up so he could turn and attempt to look at the other man.

An open-mouthed kiss was placed on his shoulder blade, and teeth bit at his ear before whispering into it. "Close your legs, babe, nice and tight."

His presence was gone beside Lukas's ear, Mikkel's hands pressed to the mattress as Lukas squeezed his thighs together. He shuddered when he felt Mikkel press between his legs. Mikkel groaned when he did because it's just so hot and tight and_ slick_ and all the things he wanted right then and there. Lukas's hands fisted the sheets and he moaned, thrusting himself down to try to get some relief - because he isn't getting much right now besides Mikkel's dick between his thighs. It's nice, but still not enough.

Mikkel slides in and out, slowly at first, before setting a pace. The bed started creaking and Lukas let loose any noise that had been building up in his throat; Mikkel grabbed his sides and pulled him closer. Lukas can tell he's almost there, and when he pulls out he slides along the cleft of Lukas's ass. Lukas groaned and tried to buck back to meet him, but Mikkel had him pinned.

"Mikkel... _please,_" Lukas whined just as Mikkel spilled all over his ass and the small of his back.

Lukas didn't protest when Mikkel turned him around and wiped his bangs away from his forehead. He fidgeted when Mikkel latched on to his neck and let out a low moan as he started to thrust feverishly in Mikkel's direction.

"Don't be a douchebag." he says between breaths, threading his fingers through the Dane's hair and pulling his head back roughly to prove that he's serious. Mikkel grinned against the other's neck and began to descend, pushing Lukas down on his back. His hand stayed buried in Mikkel's hair, occasionally scratching his scalp. He dug his nails down when Mikkel's tongue dipped into his navel. Lukas was practically aching, the need and want were fucking _hurting him _at this point.

Hot breath ghosted over his hypersensitive skin. Lukas's eyes closed as he felt himself engulfed in intense heat, a warm muscle sliding against the underside of his dick. Hands settled on his hips once more to keep him from basically fucking the other's mouth. Lukas's head felt increasingly fuzzy as he felt Mikkel's nails dig into his hips, his lips surrounding and tight as his head bobbed up and down rhythmically.

At one point he took all of him in and moan after moan spilled out of Lukas's throat, Mikkel's fingers massaged the one spot on his hip that drove him nuts and it wasn't long before he was goaded over the edge - bucking and gripping Mikkel's hair like it was the only thing keeping him alive. He rode through it with his eyes closed, trying not to note that Mikkel actually swallowed most of it, and that he came up to bury his face into Lukas's neck and mumble reassuring things against his skin.

Lukas eventually faced away from his lover, covered his eyes with his hand, and he was still coming down from the high induced by his lust and depravation - so his breathing was going quite fast and not to mention ragged. He didn't know why but he felt odd. He knew he should feel better,_ fulfilled_ or something. But he didn't, he just felt cold. Mikkel tried to pull his hand away from his face.

"Babe."

Lukas turned over, wincing at the coolness on his back, and pulled the covers over him.

"What's wrong? 'Cause, y'know if I did something wrong then you should tell me-"

"You didn't do anything wrong. I promise. Just go to sleep."

Mikkel joined him under the covers, wrapping his arms around Lukas's middle and cradling him close to his chest. Lukas grabbed his hand and held it in place, feeling groggy as Mikkel settled in closer.

"Do you think they boarded up the front door?" Mikkel asked softly.

"I'm positive that Berwald did."

"Do you think they've hunkered down here? Or do you think we'll be travelling again? None of us have much gas in the tanks anymore."

"I don't know."

"I think-"

"I don't care what you think. I'm tired and I don't want to think about tomorrow. I just want to sleep, Mikkel. Please let me sleep. Just this once." His voice was near begging and he clutched Mikkel's hand closer to his chest. He felt safe right there, right then. Because, truthfully, he felt extremely vulnerable at night - even with Mikkel shielding him with his own body and providing warmth. When he did sleep, it wasn't for long, and it definitely wasn't peacefully.

The nightmares coupled with the fact that the dead were so awake and so much_ faster_ at night - it horrified him. They were just pushing off the inevitable. He wasn't even afraid for himself. After all, he would have been fine with the idea of blowing his own head off after saying their goodbyes - he would have been _fine_ had they not adopted Emil beforehand. Emil needed someone to be strong for him. So did Mikkel. And Lukas needed Mikkel to be strong for him. And he was - he always had been.

Even now Lukas could hear the noises in the street of unfeeling feet dragging through broken glass and garbage. A car alarm went off and they both froze at the same time. Lukas almost felt like he was going to scream. Couldn't they just have one night? One night alone and secure to themselves without one of them bumping into cars and setting off alarms? One night where they didn't claw at the doors and windows and moan like stray cats who wanted in on chicken dinner except that the chicken dinner was _them. _

__"Lukas."

He didn't respond. If it was important then he'd just spit it out.

"I love you. I'm kinda confused about you loving me back. But I know that I love you."

Lukas winced. He turned around in Mikkel's arms. He was at eye-level with his chest, so the most he could do was give him a small kiss on the chin.

"You'll be the death of me. But I love you too."


	4. Chapter 4

**warning:**_  
_there are some non-consensual themes at the beginning.

also i have severe writer's block and this chapter isn't very good. there's going to be some new characters in the next chapter! since i didn't get to the angst this time around. o:

* * *

_"So do you go chasing after every person with low self-esteem?"_

_"No! Jesus, Luke. Do I seem like that much of a douchebag to you?"_

_"Yeah, you do."_

_"Well I guess I gotta fix that, huh?" _

_"You can try but I'm pretty convinced you're like every other guy I've dated."_

_"All your exes say you're a frigid ice queen."_

_"How charming. I'm assuming you want a challenge?"_

_"If there's a challenge then it's usually worth it."_

_Lukas smiled at him and pulled him down for a chaste kiss. They had been watching TV, some office-comedy on late at night while they were eating Chinese food out of styrofoam containers and trying to finish their reports. They hadn't made much progress between Mikkel snorting at cliche jokes and Lukas catching horrible second-hand embarrassment for the characters on the show. _

_"That's sweet."_

This was just a memory of course, a memory infiltrating a dream that was soon to morph into a terrible nightmare. It started to shift out of pattern only a few seconds later. It wasn't how Lukas usually remembered it;; they had continued with light kisses and holding each other and then they had gone to sleep fully clothed on the couch in the next room.

_"God, you're such a whore."_

_"No, Mikkel-"_

_"Don't "No, Mikkel" me you little slut."_

_Lukas could do nothing but stare at him. They say if you realize you're dreaming while you're dreaming then you wake up. Lukas realized and he was frozen. He felt stuck. Mikkel felt so real between his legs, jeans rubbing together. But it wasn't Mikkel. His face was wrong. His teeth were too long and his mouth was too big and his eyes were all but missing._

_"What's wrong with me?"_

_"I don't know, Lukas, what _is_ wrong with you?"_

_"I was asking you."_

_"You're sick in the head. You're having doubts about the people you love and I'm here now and I'm going to tear you apart from the inside out and you're going to melt and I'm going to be the one eating all the leftovers."_

_"Get off of me. I want to wake up." _

_"Good luck with that, princess. I'm not done with you yet." _

_Those teeth plunged into his neck and he could feel each one of them, stabbing through skin and vein and touching the other teeth going to meet them. It hurt. It hurt so much. _

"Lukas, _Lukas!" _There was a hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him still, even though Lukas's fist was drawn back to hit Mikkel in the face. Lukas slowly came to his senses and lowered his hand as Mikkel drew him close to his own body. He was already clean and dressed. Lukas could only focus on one thought in his head.

"What time is it?"

"It's around two in the morning." Mikkel said in hushed tones, trying his best to soothe the other who was still shaking.

"Jesus, how are you even dressed?"

"I was hungry. Also you were screaming."

"…Sorry."

"No, it's okay, I mean I don't know what you were having a nightmare about. So I can't really say you don't have a reason for it. If you want to talk I'm right here, all right?"

"All right."

"I think you should get up. Berwald got Peter but I don't think I can get Emil up by myself."

"What are you, helpless?"

"Yeah."

"Fine."

* * *

Lukas had a hard time even looking at Mikkel after he got dressed. He combed his hair and smoothed out the wrinkles in his shirt like he normally did, then he shoved his feet into his shoes and went down the hall to wake Emil. Hana and Emil were under the comforter, the dog was cradling Emil like she would a puppy; their chests rose and fell together.

He felt bad when he had to approach them. Hana didn't wake up, but growled in her sleep when Lukas approached. Lukas chuckled as he scooped Emil up in his arms. Bright blue eyes fluttered open to look at him and tiny fingers touched his cheek as if Emil was making sure that everything was real.

"Good morning, baby."

"'morning Daddy."

"How'd you sleep?"

"Good." Emil dragged out the 'oo' and giggled softly when Lukas carried him out into the hallway.

"I think today is a pajama day." he cooed.

He walked out into the living room where everyone else was sitting at the table and made a beeline for Berwald's unoccupied reclining chair. Lukas sat down and threw his legs over the armrest - Emil started to suck his thumb and leaned against Lukas's chest. Lukas closed his eyes and tried his best to ignore the noise everyone was making. There was a pounding in his head and he wanted to ignore it; he was already extremely grateful that he hadn't thrown up yet. Now it was just the drowsiness and the sleep-deprivation lulling him to unconsciousness.

It was about fifteen minutes later when Mikkel shook Lukas awake (again). Lukas's head felt clearer now, despite skipping breakfast, and Emil was still asleep with his limbs draped across Lukas's sides.

"We heard a distress signal on the radio this morning. It was coming from the fitness center a few miles away."

Lukas looked up at him, weary and unwilling to go attempt to rescue some survivors who had probably already been slaughtered.

"But it's daytime, they don't like the light."

"I don't know if you've noticed, babe, but it's been dark for a while. I dunno if it's smog or clouds but it's doing the trick."

"I don't want to go."

"Babe."

"Stop calling me that... I'm not your_ whore_." The words came out before Lukas could stop them. He covered his mouth with his hands and stared at Mikkel wide-eyed, whose face had contorted into one of confusion and hurt. "Mikkel, I'm so sorry. I-"

"What's wrong with you? You've been acting so strange. If you're afraid of me just say it. _Say it!_"

Emil woke up just as Mikkel raised his voice - it startled him. His fingers dug into Lukas and he held fast and the tiniest whine escaped him. Lukas cradled him close and kept his eyes downcast; he could feel Tino and Berwald watching them, but it was just background to the betrayed look in Mikkel's eyes.

"I'm sorry, Mikkel. I didn't mean it."

Mikkel moved away and left Lukas sitting there. Emil hiccuped as Lukas got to his feet and began gathering their things alongside the others. Everything resumed as it had been - the packed up the supplies and the food and Peter said his goodbyes to the house and fastened Hana's leash onto her collar. They loaded everything into the cars. Tino suggested that Lukas ride with Berwald and Peter - maybe all Lukas needed was a break for himself.

Maybe.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N; **writer's block isn't fun.

* * *

The first floor of the gym had been lined with glass windows. More than half of them lay in shards upon the tile and cement; the glass crunched underneath Lukas's boots when he stepped over the plastic frame. The lobby was coated in a fine layer of dirt and dust - there were rocks and stray bricks littered around where the door had been. He trailed behind Berwald and Mikkel - after all, he had been hesitant about leaving Emil. He always had been. What if he didn't make it back? That was always his first thought. _What if I don't make it back and Mikkel and Emil are stuck with memories?_

He didn't have time to dwell in it because of the noises coming from the second floor - rounds being fired and pained moaning from the zombies as they were struck. They all ran towards the stairs, taking them two at a time with their guns pointed at the floor. When they finished climbing the stairs the second floor opened up to them like a battle scene - elliptical machines and treadmills pulled over and bloody towels littered on the hard blue carpet. Writhing corpses scrabbled toward them, their trunks punctured and oozing and the sight of it didn't mean much to Lukas.

"Wh-who the hell are you?!" a voice called out to them, clear across the room. It cracked and sounded like it was bursting with feverish confusion. Lukas looked to Mikkel and then to Berwald, asking silently if he should walk. Not getting a response; he decided to answer the voice instead.

"You sent out a distress call over the radio."

"No one was supposed to come I- I-... I don't need help anymore."

That was when Lukas started to move across the room, leaving Mikkel and Berwald back to watch the stairs in case more came out of hiding. The amount of blood on the equipment and the floor increased as he walked; he held his gun out and ready. But nothing could have prepared him for what he saw.

* * *

He couldn't have been older than seventeen. He had a lean build and shaggy brown hair - his eyes were a muddy brown and they had dark bags underneath. And next to him was an older man - who barely looked like he was breathing. The younger had a huge red stain on his chest, and a handgun pointed to his temple. Tears were streaming down his face and he looked at Lukas like he was some form of monster.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, put it down. Please. You're all right. We can help you. Please put it down," there was a resounding click as he cocked the gun, a threat, _I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it and you can't stop me. _"At least tell me your name."

"Romano."

"Romano, we can fix you. We have food and medical supplies. For you and for him."

Romano didn't respond, but he did lower his gun. At some point Mikkel and Berwald had walked up behind Lukas. Romano set his gun on the ground and slid it over to Lukas, shoving his face into his hands and cradling his knees against his chest, allowing his body to quiver with sobs.

Berwald hoisted the older man over his shoulder - he felt like dead weight. Mikkel picked Romano up bridal style despite the fact that he started to thrash and scream at him._ "Put me down! It hurts oh my _God_ it hurts!" _Lukas could only guess what was hurting. He didn't even know if he had been bitten, or scratched, or stabbed. Mikkel wrapped his arms more tightly around his knees to stop them from colliding with his jaw, then he spoke to Lukas.

"Do you think there's food down in the cafe?"

"Perhaps."

"On the way out will you grab some?"

"I'll try."

They all went downstairs and Lukas headed towards the cafe. He knew something was going to happen. All his instincts told him not to go anywhere alone - and there he was, doing just that.

* * *

There were corpses everywhere, scattered among the overturned tables and on top of the counter. The flies were everywhere and the stink was even worse than it had been upstairs. Lukas clutched his gun harder as he painstakingly sifted through the various bottled juices and prepackaged sandwiches with his free hand. He didn't hear the first reanimated corpse that approached him; he only felt its clammy hand on his shoulder and the scream building in his throat as he swung around and shot it in the face.

It had been a stupid idea to shoot and Lukas knew it. He realized it immediately after he did it because they practically started to _pour_ out of the open door in the back. At first he didn't know what to do so he just did was his instincts told him to do and he _ran. _As he started to run, _they_ started to run. And one of them _threw themselves_ at him and caught his ankle in a vice-grip just as he approached the door to the cafe. Lukas sprawled across the cement floor and felt a stabbing pain in his stomach and he screamed even louder, blood-curdling and enraged as he kicked at the thing on his leg.

It was difficult getting up, and maybe it was the glass in his stomach, or the blood in his eyes, or maybe it was the sight of Mikkel in his black shirt and combat boots reaching out and grabbing him. He was saying something, but Lukas couldn't hear it, and he couldn't read his lips either. Everything was fuzzy.

_That's the blood loss. _Lukas told himself as Mikkel pulled his left arm around his shoulder and helped him run.

Lukas didn't hear the zombies behind them anymore. However, he did hear someone cock their gun - and he felt something warm and metal against his head. He heard screaming - it was Mikkel and Tino.

_"Ber, no. No. You don't even know if he got bitten."_

_"He m'st've. There's blood ev'rywhere."_

_"I swear to God if you shoot him I'll kill you! I'll bash your fucking brains in you dumb bear! He fell! All he did was fucking fall down and you're going to shoot him?! Fuck you, oh my God, fuck you!" _

Lukas felt the tears roll down his cheeks, but he couldn't place what they were for. They felt like self-pitying tears, but he couldn't be sure. His vision was red and fading to black and Mikkel's hand had a crushing grip over the bruise on his hip. The adrenaline pulsing through him made his head hurt, and the added yelling in the background didn't help.

_"Mikkel do you want me to stitch him up? You should go watch the kids."_

_"Fine." _His response was bitter, and Lukas could sense the death glare being directed at Berwald.

He was traded off, and hefted onto the floor of one of the vans; they had already put all the spare blankets down for him to bleed on. How considerate. Lukas's head lolled to the side and his eyes were hazy and half-shut. He bit his tongue hard when Tino peeled his shirt up and off of his wound. There was a washcloth pressed against his mouth, and Tino's hand prying his jaw open.

"I don't want you to bite your tongue off."

Lukas could hear him fumbling with the first-aid kit. A raw, burning pain shot up what felt like every vein in his body. He jolted and groaned around the washcloth in his mouth. Lukas could feel the tweezers brush against his flesh as they closed around a chunk of glass. The muscles in his stomach clenched and the dark in his eyes was made even more prominent and he started to feel himself slipping. Slipping like the organs were sliding out of his body, slipping like he was falling into a bad dream, slipping like the way he had felt when Berwald had pressed a gun against his head.

Then the whole world went black.


	6. Chapter 6

His throat was crammed with words and phrases. Sometimes it stretched with smoke and tightened with poisonous things he didn't dare say. Now it was tightened with phlegm and cracked flesh. A sharp intake of breath, and pain exploded down his veins and manifested itself underneath bandages spotted with blood and dirt. His head felt heavy and uneven with pressure. A groan spilled out from his chapped lips and that hurt, too.

The van slowed and Lukas could hear Mikkel and Tino talking in hushed tones. Lukas felt the floor of the van beneath him and it was rough and uncomfortable and he didn't want to be there. He especially didn't want to be there when Mikkel got out of the passenger seat and crawled on his hands and knees over to him, his big blue eyes concerned and frightened. "How are you feeling, babe? Is it too hot? Are you cold?"

Mikkel's hand slid into Lukas's and Lukas's head rolled over on his shoulders to get a better look at him. "No, m'not cold... where are we going?"

"Tino says he knows a better place to stay. At least for a few nights."

"Oh."

Mikkel pressed his lips together and nodded quickly, giving Lukas's cold fingers a soft squeeze. Lukas rubbed his thumb over the other's forefinger and tried to wet his lips with his chalky tongue - all he tasted was ash and blood. He smiled, a bittersweet thing that made him look twenty years older - but not in his face - in his eyes. Mikkel had eyes to match, but his had a bit more hope in them.

"It's like the world is trying to kill me. How long before you want to kill me too?"

"No. You're delirious, love. Go to sleep. Please try to get some sleep."

"You love me though, so you'd do it quick." he whispered as Mikkel brushed his bangs off of his face. A tear fell off of Mikkel's face and landed on Lukas's cheek.

"I wouldn't do it at all."

"Not even if my stomach was ripped out and I was choking?"

"Lukas-"

"Not even-"

"-please try to sleep."

Lukas closed his mouth and let Mikkel kneel over him and caress him with his hands, hands that were rough and familiar, and they made his skin crawl but only for a little while. He started to float off, and he heard Mikkel saying things to him like 'I love you' and 'Just close your eyes' and 'We're almost there' and soon Lukas forgot what any of that meant and for a minute he forgot who this blue-eyed man was and for a second he even forgot that he loved him.

* * *

He woke up again just as Mikkel opened the side door of the van and hauled him out. Lukas didn't look around, but he could tell that it was dark here, too - the sky was pastel gray and the sun wasn't even visible through the thick blanket of clouds. He could hear Peter's feet trampling the loose gravel on the pavement, and then cement, and then he heard the creak of a door.

It hurt when Mikkel carried him up the steps. So much so that he dug his nails into Mikkel's arm and groaned. "No..."

"There aren't that many stairs, Lukas, I promise."

"No. Hurts." he felt like a child, being reduced to such a limited vocabulary due to his lungs screaming and protesting at him. Seemingly as if they were shouting at him _'We've decided not to be lungs today. Sorry, buddy. Over twenty years of being lungs and now we want to be cinderblocks!' _

Something sharp and small poked into the skin of his stomach - he looked down and almost immediately regretted his decision. The stitches on his stomach swooped up and ended near his arm and went all the way down to just above his navel. It had some kind of ointment on it, sticky and coating his fingers when he touched it. The wound itself was hot and sore, red and unbearably painful. Lukas looked up at Mikkel with his mouth open with shock, shaking fingers hovering just over it.

"Put me down."

"It's just a bit-"

_"Put me _down_." _He said it with such seriousness that Mikkel really had no choice in the matter. Tino carried Emil past him and up the stairs, with Berwald and Peter following suit. Hana had trouble making up her mind between going with the others and staying with Mikkel and Lukas, before she eventually trotted up the stairs and after the others. Mikkel leaned over and pressed his forehead against the other's - a small sign of affection Lukas had come to expect.

"It's awful."

"It'll heal, Lukas."

"It's going to be such an ugly scar." he whispered.

"No, no it's going to be fine."

"I already have so many and I don't want any more, Mikkel. I'm sick of them."

"You're beautiful, you're so handsome, Lukas. Just let me carry you and you can rest and start getting better."

Lukas didn't speak anymore but allowed Mikkel to resume his hold on him and slowly ascend the staircase to the large apartment room with the door still attached to its hinges. Berwald was nowhere to be found, but Tino kindly showed them one of the bigger rooms down the hallway. He had stripped its old sheets and replaced them with (only slightly) better ones - a big green quilt was laid out over it. Mikkel set him down and fluffed the pillow underneath his head.

The injured man let out a sigh of relief and closed his eyes. Lukas listened in on the hushed conversation between Tino and Mikkel.

"I'll give him some medication after dinner."

"All right. Would it be all right if I ate in here?"

"I suppose. But I don't really want any more tension between you and Ber. It's really upsetting to the rest of us."

"It _should_ be upsetting."

"The kids don't need any more trauma, Mikkel. Should I leave you alone now?"

"I guess. I'm going to wash up a little."

Lukas stopped listening after that - he couldn't stop thinking about how horrible the stress would be at dinner that night. He also tried to imagine Mikkel getting 'washed up', and maybe shaving off the remarkable amount of stubble he had managed to sprout. He thought about how Emil would try to cling to his stomach and how he would hiss in pain.

He thought about how Berwald and Mikkel would look at each other.

He thought about how Berwald would look at _him. _

* * *

**note: **it's late and i have school tomorrow dont kill me


End file.
